"This is Brandon, with Southwest Airlines"...... AGAIN!

Remember "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines"? If not, refer back to this story... 

http://rottentatas.blogspot.com/…/i-luv-southwest-airlines-…

Here's the background story..... About a month ago, I was asked by "Allison" at Southwest Airlines to help them out with a training video on customer service. Naturally, being the shy, introverted person I am, I jumped all over it! We tried to coordinate schedules for several weeks and finally landed on today. 

I arrived at the St. Louis airport at 1PM and was met by Allison, who granted me clearance into the gate area to film. I was told to dress business casual and to bring a roller bag as a prop. They had a sitting area set up with lights, cameras and a mic for me. I told Allison I wasn't much of an actress (clearly she hadn't seen me buy a pig on Truck Stop Missouri prior to this filming haha). She said it was fine... this is going to be more of a question/answer type deal talking about my experience with Southwest Airlines.

So we start shooting.... We chatted and I answered questions like:
"What has drawn you to love Southwest Airlines?"
"Tell me what customer service means to you..."
"When you think about customer service, is there any one experience you have had that stands out?"

Immediately I begin talking about "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines." Of course I do... He's the reason I rave about Southwest! "The most important thing is that you get better..." is what he said at the end of the voicemail he left for me when I wrote a comment on Southwest's customer service website asking to keep my A-List status for next year since I would lose it because the cancer and treatments would restrict me from traveling all year and earning my A-List for 2015. 

Allison asked me question after question about my feelings and what impact just one person had on me. I couldn't stop talking! I even played the voicemail for them because I keep it on my phone and use it as a training tool at my hotels. What a great example of an impactful, personal "WOW" moment and what we should be doing everyday at our hotels.

The interview was winding down and Allison was talking with the cameraman about other shots he'd like to get while I'm there to make the training video. While they're collaborating, a man approaches holding an envelope and stares at me. Awkward. I smile and say, "Hi".
He replies, "Hi, I'm Brandon, with Southwest Airlines." And now I'm a blubbering mess :')

‪#‎LUVSoutwestAirlines‬ ‪#‎2015AList‬ ‪#‎SouthwestAirlines‬ ‪#‎SouthwestHeart‬ ‪#‎LUV‬ ‪#‎Ellen‬ ‪#‎TheEllenDegeneresShow‬ ‪#‎EllenDegeneres‬

The Girls' Arrival!

I get to meet my twin girls today! 

Names are Boo and Bee Brown
Born November 3rd at 9:05am
Weight: 400cc
Length: Much longer than their older sisters
Mom is doing great. A bit sore but resting and recovering. There will be no newborn pics.

Post Cancer Fashion

November 3, 2014

I've never claimed to be a fashionista, but this could very well be the next Lady Gaga Red Carpet Wear??  I mean, it's no bacon dress but still ace wrap makes a pretty cute halter top??

Where the Hell are my Feet??!

November 3, 2014 (post-surgery)

Shit-dogs!!!!! This is my view as I'm laying down in my bed. That giant mound had BETTER be all dressing and wrap!!!!!! I specifically reminded my surgeon to NOT talk to Mark Brown after I went out cold. I'll find out tomorrow when the dressings come off!!!

The Most Interesting Lashes in the World

November 3, 2014 

"I don't always wear makeup during tata reconstructive surgery, but when I do, I use my Younique 3D Fiber Lash Mascara.... on just one eye so the nurses will ask me about it. And then I'll sell them some."  (www.MoyasMascara.com)

#capitalize

Love Notes to My Surgeon...

November 2, 2014 

Prepping for Surgery....
Homemade Surgery-Pasties!
#nomorerottentatas

On the First Day of Cancer, My True Love Sent to Me.....

Have you had this happen to you?  ... that awful moment when your friend or family member tells you, "I have cancer."  You immediately go into "I want to help" mode but don't know where to start?  

Recently, one of my best friends, Nikki, reached out to me and let me know that her sister in law was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  I hate hearing of new cases, especially of those close to me.  She asked me for suggestions on what to buy or what to do to help her SIL.  Since this is still so fresh in my life, I was able to immediately come up with a list that was helpful to me during the time that I was diagnosed, taking chemo, post surgery and even now, post cancer.  She, being a blogger and social media goddess that she is, asked me to publish this list in hopes of helping others who are wondering and Googling the same question.   Face-palm... duh.  Why didn't I think of this???  Must be the residual-chemo-brain....

So here it goes.  These are 16 of my own personal "Moya's Favorite Cancer Things" (I should have my own show like Oprah and Ellen and their "favorite things") that my friends and family did for me that was priceless and most valuable to my family and me while I battled cancer:


1. Meals - I didn't think I needed meals, but they turned out to be a lifesaver. What it did was allowed us the time, as a family, that we needed to be together and hold things together instead of always thinking of what to make for dinner. I was so appreciative when it was forced it upon me by the same friend that asked that I publish this list.  There are several sites out there that help you set something like this up and it's all done thru email.  My personal fav is www.mealtrain.com.

2. Someone at each treatment with me - The nurses always teased me that I always brought an army with me at treatments but they said it was fantastic.  I will say, though, that you should be careful how many people come and just be mindful of the other patients receiving chemo, especially those who didn't bring anyone to sit with them.  Since my treatments were 4-5 hours long, staggering visits during that block of time was helpful. This was also something that was prearranged by my dear friend, Danette.

3. Hats of all kinds - Don't buy "normal" hats that you'd find at your local stores. They aren't designed for chemo patients. They don't come down in the back far enough and half your bald head ends up showing. I got all of mine from www.HeadCovers.com.  My personal favorite was the "gathered newsboy" hat (pictured below). But the newsboy style in general is really cute. Also get some sleep caps or ones you can just wear around the house. I always had one ready for the SECOND I stepped out of the shower.  The "chemo-do" is not exactly warm.  BRRRR!!!!!

On the same line of hats, I had a wonderful friend from high school whose mom made me some fun do-rags! I LOVED these things!!  The best part was that they were handmade and personalized.  Go Mizzou! And thank you, Deonna and Mrs. Lemasters!

4. Decorative Silk/Cotton Scarves - Mainly for dressing up (again, get them from www.HeadCovers.com or make sure they are long enough to tie whilst covering the entire head).

  

5. Hoodies - I lived in these. Your head gets really cold and makes your body really cold. I wore these even thru the summer.

6. Fuzzy warm blankets -  I just can't stress this enough...  

Chemo  =   Freeze. Your. Ass. Off.

I had received so many blankets. But I had them in every room and even kept one in my car for long rides or chemo days.  My absolute favorites were the "no-sew" fleece kind that people make by tying the pieces together.  They're super simple to make, you can personalize the fabric and they are sooooooo fuzzy warm!

7. Fuzzy warm socks (feeling the fuzzy theme going on, here?) - My feet were (and still are!) like popsicles!!  This little piggy went to the market... this little piggy and 8 others accidentally got stuck in the walk-in freezer at previous said market!

8. Comfy button down shirts for mastectomy - This one is good for breast cancer patients.  I wasn't able to lift my arms after my double mastectomy, much less MOVE them.  

9. Cups - My good friend, Diana, gave me a bunch of tumbler type cups with straws. I used those A LOT and kept them bedside.  You take so many pills while you're on chemo that it's sometimes just easier to keep everything by your bed.

10. Money - My Kappa Delta Sorority Sisters did this for me and I was speechless.  Never would I have ever asked for money to help with medical bills, but never was I ever more grateful to receive it!  The ring leader of the group, one of my former KD House Roomies, Marcy, put out a private message to all of my sorority sisters who are on Facebook, asking if anyone would be interested in contributing to a "Beautification Fund" for me.  I could use this money for whatever I wanted, but they wanted me to feel pretty and comfortable.  As I'm writing this, emotions are all over the place all over again.  
There are several websites out there that can help you set up a donation site to collect money.  One example of a site that serves that purpose is www.GoFundMe.com. 

11.  House Cleaning -  There is a service called, "Cleaning for a Reason."  It is a cleaning service that caters specifically to cancer patients.  After you fill out the application (you need to also have a letter from your oncologist stating you are a cancer patient), you could qualify for a free house cleaning once a month for 4 months.  My friend, Tina, from high school, who also battled cancer, owns a cleaning company and told me about this. This is the link:  www.CleaningForAReason.org

12. Little Pink House of Hope - Another good friend, Aimee, told me about this site.  It is an opportunity for chemo patients and their families to go on a retreat (aka vacation / getaway from all the cancer crap). They pick families every year to get a free retreat to one of their locations. Check out the site and read the story behind the lady who started it. I didn't sign up for it initially. Every time I thought about it, I just kept putting it off thinking "I don't need this.... This should be for terminal patients." But then one day I thought, "Screw it... My family has gone thru hell. We deserve a shot at it too." But by then it was kind of too late, as they already made their selections for the year.  But it's a great opportunity for others going thru it!  The website is: www.LittlePink.org

13.  Earrings - I used to wear earrings a lot as a teenager but as I got older, they just seemed like a big pain in the rear.  However, when you lose your hair, you need anything and everything to keep you looking like a girl.  Earrings were my best friend!  Long, dangly ones, hoops... lots of hoops, silver ones, gold ones, big ones... you name it, I wore it!

14.  Good Eye Makeup - Kind of like the "Chemo makes you cold" thing.... Baldness makes you not look like the woman you naturally look like with hair.  So... that being said, I wore so much eye make up that prostitutes were practically asking me for makeup advice.  

15.  Special Mascara - My sweet friend and sorority sister, Tracy, sent me some Younique brand 3-D Lash Mascara.  This stuff is UH-MAZING!!  Side note:  Chemo made my eyelashes very thin and short.  I didn't lose ALL of my lashes, but I did lose most.  Now that they are growing back, they are still wimpy wimpy wimpy.  This Younique mascara literally adds fibers to your lashes, giving them volume and length like you won't believe. My lashes are amaz-BALLS now!!!  In fact, I loved it so much that I joined Tracy's team and am now selling this cancer/chemo must-have. Check it out.... :  www.MoyasMascara.com

I'll leave you and end this list with my personal favorite...

15.  Face Paint - Okay, let's face it.  Cancer sucks.  But when on earth will you ever have the chance to have a bald head again??  I mean, nobody really ever chooses to shave their hair off (as a woman... unless you're Britney Spears and going thru a young-life crisis).  I saw this as an opportunity to play that cancer card and play it loud and proud!  Hey, it got my friends and me down to the St. Louis Cardinal's dugout to meet Joe Kelly, after all.  My only regret is that I waited until I was already done with chemo to start capitalizing on my bald head.  Make sure you buy the kind that is water-based (not oil-based) and dries.

I say, "Paint that beautiful, bald noggin and for God's sake, make it worth it while you can!" (I DO have to credit my Joe Kelly-obsessed friend, Beth, for this grand idea!  Oh, and my very artistic hubs, Mark, for the paint job.)

 

 

#holybutchcut

Er.... So I'm traveling this week and forgot a comb. Sadly, and thankfully, my eyelash comb did just the trick. 

16 Weeks Post-Chemo Intel...

I should say post-HARSH-chemo. I still have to take a maintenance chemo (Herceptin) until February. Thankfully, there are little to no side effects (that I know of, at least) from the Herceptin. 

But there's plenty of other things going on.....

1. I currently take Tamoxifen, which is a hormone blocker. My particular type of breast cancer tested positive for the estrogen and progesterone hormone receptors, meaning we know that hormones fed my tumor. So... 10 years of daily oral Tamoxifen pills it is!

2. These "expanders" are obnoxious. I gave you some insight as to what they feel like in your pits in a previous post... Here's what they feel like from the front. 

     a. Put on a sports bra that is 6 sizes too small.  For you    
         men, just grab your wife's sports bra. 

     b. Take an ace bandage wrap and wrap it very tightly 
         around your chest 5 times. 

     c. Give it one more tug for an even tighter fit. 

     d. Go to your refrigerator and grab 2 grapefruits (the less 
         ripe the better). 

     e. Fit the grapefruits into your sports bra, emulating 
         boobs. 

     f. Once again, tug on the ace wrap to tighten once more
         until it hurts. 

     g. Now try to take a full breath or sleep on your tummy 
         or side....

     h. Wear that for 4 months until you swap out for 
          squishies (that's November 3rd for me! Yay!)

3. I have developed "trigger finger" and major stiffness in my joints (mainly my hands and feet) from what I am convinced is because of the Tamoxifen. When I clench my fist, my middle finger that I jammed in gymnastics in 6th grade sticks. 

It's just too bad it doesn't stick the opposite way! I could really have fun with that... "What, I'm SORRY, boys! I can't help it! Now go clean your damn rooms and leave me alone already!!" (insert reverse trigger-finger...)

4. My memory is forever gone and ruined. I've done that, "Heyyyy!! How are YOU??" thing in grocery stores when people I know I've met say "hi" to me. Then, like a big fat stalker, I take a sneaky picture of the person and text it to my friend who I'm SURE knows that person, asking who the hell they are. PUH-thetic. 

5. I'm a little annoyed... Okay, no. Let's just call a cat a cat here. I'm REALLY annoyed that the hair on my body is growing faster and longer than the hair on my head!!!  You don't have to use your imagination... it's what you think.

6. Speaking of cats (this has nothing to do with chemo, but remember how I said my memory is bad? Well, my attention span is even worse...). The other day, Alex and I walked into the house after we came home from his Karate class and he asks, "What smells like cat??"

Without even thinking, I said, "It's our Chinese food we ordered..." Oh. That was weird.  meow.

7. I've been really worn out going back to work and working a full day. This frustrates me to no end. I'm used to go-go-go and this is supposed to be the downhill cruise, so to speak. I saw my oncologist and demanded that she tell me the date when I'd feel better (I know...). She said, likely 6 months after my surgery (which was June 3rd) since I also had some pretty rough chemo, a sinus infection and an additional crazy accidental-port-line-losing surgery. 

Erg. I cried, she prescribed me an antidepressant, I filled the RX then tossed it into the trash. Later that night, I found just what I needed (instead of an antidepressant, I self-diagnosed myself like I like to do, and determined that I needed an anti-frustration fix instead). My good friend from childhood, who was visiting from out of town, walked into my home and presented the perfect "anti-pissed-off" remedy (which she magically pulled out of the trunk of her car!  My kind of gal... and car). 

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. I'm almost positive this is how alcoholism starts. But I'm no quitter - Cheers!

I LUV Southwest Airlines as much as I HATE Cancer...

Or maybe more appropriately titled,
"This is Brandon, with Southwest Airlines...."

I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer on February 3rd. I travel a LOT for work. I love traveling. Part of the reason I love traveling is because I ONLY fly Southwest Airlines and LUV them for the exact reason I'm posting this "Voicemail" I received back in March.  And by LUV them... I mean I purposely avoid flying other airlines.  My home office is in Madison, Wisconsin and I go there quite a bit.  Southwest doesn't fly to Madison (erg! I wish!), so I'll fly to Milwaukee and rent a car and DRIVE the 1.5 hours to Madison to avoid flying any other airlines.  THAT'S how much I LUV Southwest Airlines.

After telling my boss about my cancer, he immediately "grounded" me from traveling so I could focus on my treatments, my health and my family. I equally LUV my company (of almost 19 years now) to the moon and back, but the thought of not traveling anymore (in addition to not being able to see my teammates and work with them in other states) immediately made me think.... "Crap. I'm going to lose my A-List Status with Southwest Airlines for next year, now.  And crap... I won't earn any miles this year to use for a family vacation."

I immediately got sad about that (and in case you were wondering, yes, I was more upset at the time about that, than my cancer... I know, dumb). 

After sitting on it for about a month of "not traveling", I signed into my Southwest Airlines Rapid Rewards account and stared at it, sad once again, thinking, "I would've earned about 17,000 miles by now."

I saw a "Contact Us" section and thought... Sure, what can it hurt?  I clicked on the "Email Us" link on the Customer Service page and wrote my letter, fully expecting a "Sorry... Can't help you." reply in the nicest fashion that Southwest has, which still wouldn't bother me, because I knew at the very least, Southwest would respond, even with bad news (unlike any other airline who could give a rip). 

My "comment" went something like this:

"Hi, I was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer and have been "grounded" from traveling until late fall. I will lose my A-List status for next year and my opportunity to earn miles this year. Would you consider allowing me to keep my A-List Status for next year? This fall I should be back on my regular schedule. 

Best,
Moya Brown"

I got the typical, "We've received your email and will be in touch soon." auto-response and thought nothing more of it. Like I said, couldn't hurt to try. 

Literally, later that day I received a phone call on my cell phone from a number in Texas that I didn't recognize. It was "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines."  Uh??!! Wait... I expected an email saying "Sorry...", but I get a PHONECALL?? From a real, live person?? 

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!

Okay, you had me at "Hi there, this is Brandon, with Southwest Airlines."

We talked thru my current situation and he listened to my every word. He assured me that he would do his best to help me achieve my request, but he couldn't guarantee anything right away. I was still just happy to get a call??!! "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines" asked me to fax him a note from my doctor on the cancer center's letterhead simply stating my inability to travel until late fall and he would "take it from there."  He said to call back at the end of the year to "...see what we could do" and then we hung up. 

Still amazed and in shock, I requested the letter from my oncologist and faxed it over to "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines" as soon as I received it. Once again, I thought to myself, "Okay, that was done... I guess I'll just see what happens at the end of the year."

Then later that day after a few conference calls, I noticed a missed call on my cell and listened to the voicemail...

Now, I don't know what will even come of all of this when I call back in December, but even if it's nothing, I won't care.  The fact of the matter is, the REASON Southwest Airlines is still in business is because they CARE.  And let's face it... if all other airlines could learn something from Southwest... it's this: 

They LIVE The Golden Rule...  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  In other words, hey... let's just be a NICE PERSON.

You nailed it, Southwest Airlines (and "Brandon, with Southwest Airlines").  I'm STILL and even MORE so now, a lifer.

Boobpits... Or Pitboobs?

Either way, let me help you understand why my "reconstruction" (aka Fake Boobs) aren't really the real (fake) deal.

1. I have what are called "Expanders". These are not implants. These are a bait n switch version of what you imagine you're getting after they chop off your boobs, thinking you'll come out of surgery with JLo's perfect squishy boobages. In other words, they're the FAKE fake boobs before the REAL fake boobs get put in. Still with me?

2. Expanders... Picture a hard plastic bouncy ball you'd buy from Walmart with all of the air squished out of it. Grab two of those, then smoosh them behind your pectoral muscles stretching them, as well as the chest skin that's all you have left of your front side (okay, I'll be honest, it wasn't far from where I started in the first place with my giant -A cup).

3. My surgeon went ahead and added 100cc of saline in each side during surgery to start the "stretching" (expanding) process. Uh... Those looked weird. Like I accidentally swallowed two Tupperware bowls that were warped from putting them in the microwave (BTW, nobody ever told me that voids your "lifetime warranty"... Rip off). Again, picture only filling the hard plastic bouncy ball with a little with air. Picture that in my chest.

4. Every other week I have been getting a "pump" (or an "expansion" as the docs like to say.... I'm finding they like the medical terms better than the words I choose). Usually 60cc in each boob with a syringe and needle. I've gone 5 times. 4 times for 60cc and 1 time for 35cc. I like round numbers, so that puts me at 375cc (about a C cup... "A good handful" as Mark would put it.)
I am finally D-U-N done with the pumps.

5. Holy $hit the pumps hurt! You can barely take a deep breath, much less a normal breath, for close to 2-3 days. And your boobs are rock hard. One time I sneezed shortly after a pump and I thought my boobs were going to pop out around to the backside and shoot out my butt I sneezed so hard!

6. What does it feels like?
Stand up and stick your arms straight out to your side like you're an airplane. (I'll wait while you do this.....)

Now, (I can't believe some of you are actually doing this... This makes me laugh ) put your arms straight down to your sides. (Again... I'll give you a moment to pick your phone back up it or find where you were again on your computer screen......)

Can you feel your boobs in your armpits?
A. If no, you don't have the fake fakies in.
B. If yes, you do.

7. Wanna know what it looks like?
Ask my friends... I've showed all of them LOL!

For the rest of you, Google "Tori Spelling boobs" (I'll wait.... But do it - It's worth it, trust me)

Nevermind, I'll do it for you....

 
Notice the 2-4 inches of the Grand Canyon between the bulges?

Add spikey 1 month old Asian baby hair on her head, a few (lot of) pounds on her body and about $278 zillion dollars less in her bank account and voila! You have me.

Hopefully the Real Fakies (or as my surgeon once again, very professionally put it... "Permanent implants"... Since he doesn't think my words are real words. Whatever, pre-owned/used car.... Same diff) won't look like a Mack truck can drive thru them!

I'll find out on November 3rd. Final surgery is scheduled and I get the REAL fake tatas!

EPIC Mud Run (ish)

Every year, my girlfriends and I do the Midway / Ultramax EPIC Mud Run at Midway (you might remember "Midway" from the awesomely funny 2-season show on the Travel Channel, "Truck Stop Missouri" and "Truck Stop USA").


Check it out! 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9NOW4m9fOM

I won't lie.... I was pretty honored to have bought a pig on the show in an episode from Season 1 :)

Okay, back to the Mud Run.....
First off, I NEVER have a say in what we wear.  E-VER.  

Secondly, let's just clarify that when I said Mud "Run".... I really meant Mud "WALK".   I run ONLY run when people or bears are chasing me.  

I especially love my girlfriends this year for walking the ENTIRE course with me.  Chemo and cancer sure have taken a toll on my muscles, my endurance and my stamina in general.  Last year, I at least jogged a LITTLE.

2013 - Freakin' Tutus.  Erg.

2014 - Tutus.  UH-GAIN!!!!  *sigh

Okay, I have to mention this... since this blog is all about the tatas.... Holy CRAP my boobs are big this year!  Made for a somewhat difficult army crawl thru the mud.  Owie.

No hair, no eyebrows, no eyelashes?

August 27, 2014  

Problem solved.

ALS Cold Water Challenge.... Calling out Ellen DeGeneres, Magic Johnson and Larry Bird!

August 22, 2014  

Okay, first off, please excuse my potty mouth at the end of this video. Stay with me for the background story....

Mark Brown was challenged to do the ALS Cold Water Challenge by Mike Moylan and Deana Brown-Hood. He challenges Mike Bates (Beth, you'll have to let him know), Christopher Walls and me (lovely).

MY challenge was going to be a funny little NOT wet dumpage of 100 $1 bills that we were going to dump on me instead, and donate the full $100 (which we're still doing).
That is, until my Asshat husband had a change of plans and made Jacob his accomplice....

By the way, I challenge Magic Johnson, Larry Bird, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Ellen DeGeneres #magicjohnson, #larrybird and #ellendegeneres.

Gretchen Balzer-Moylan, tell Mike I need his help with this one ;)

Going for the boy look...

August 17, 2014  


Mark convinced me to ditch the do-rag. I'm freezing!!!
No wonder it takes so long to grow out your bangs... Apparently that's the last to come in?? — with Mark Brown.

Komen WALK (and I stress 'walk')

August 16, 2014  


Come walk with us! October 4th. Or run.... 

Like I said, there's no running for me, that is, unless Mark Wahlberg is there and I'm chasing him down. 

Click here! 

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure

It always comes back to poop....

July 31, 2014  


You have NO idea......
 
#painkillersareakiller

#TMIbutyouknowme

Holy crap those drugs did a number!

July 31, 2014  


So... Next day, and I'm getting flashbacks of things I vaguely remember from yesterday. Let me put my disclaimer out there first.... I was on Fentanyl.

1. When I was woken up after the first surgery, the nurse first told me where I was and then explained that I was waking up. Then she told me (keep in mind, still groggy and everyone sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher), "Dr. Suppes was able to put your new port in, but had problems with removing the first port line. So, we're going to wah-wah-wha-wha radiology wha-wha with the old port line. Then it's going in your groin wha-wha-wha chemo port."

2. I fell back asleep again, woke back up and asked the nurse if she told me that she said the port was in, and the line was going back in but the chemo would go to my crotch?? All I heard was "groin" and "chemo". Thankfully (again, I love all nurses now) she giggled and clarified. Whew. That's all I need... Hoo-Hoo Cancer on top of it.

3. The 2nd surgeon who was prepping me to go run a line in thru my groin, "covered" the other side of the "very near groin area" (you get what I mean) with some sticky bandage stuff and I asked him if this was my "Free Wax". WTF, Moya... Even that's a bit odd for ME to ask.

4. The 2nd surgeon kept telling me to take deep breaths once in a while so he could see something on the screens better. Then he'd say, "Okay, you can breathe again. That was a good breath." Once, he told me to take another deep breath and hold it again.... I swear I think 18 minutes went by.... (Okay, maybe a minute). I exhaled like I was a Navy Diver and said, "Holy shit, dude... I can't hold my breath that long!!" He quickly and apologetically said, "Oh, oops! Breathe anytime! Don't wait for me. Sorry.... But that was a good breath." Well, duh... I was purple by then.

5. I KNOW my husband when it comes to his family. Mark was so freaked out. I kept asking the nurse to please feed my husband some Jelly Belly candies or Hot Tamales (since I knew he wouldn't leave the waiting room to get food in case he missed something) and update him every 30 minutes or he'll be that crazy worried husband rushing his way into the surgical room to find me and demand an update and get arrested like you see on TV. They were so sweet and got him food and nobody got arrested.

6. I remember now that I was trying to impress the main surgeon who was fishing thru my jugular vein, by telling him that "It is absolutely contraindicated to administer Heparin in a patient who presents with a subdural hematoma." He agreed. However, it had absolutely nothing to do with my surgery. I just remember learning that when I was on a jury for a medical malpractice suit 7 years ago.

7. My sweet recovery nurse, Kate, asked me what kind of cancer I had. I said prostate. She laughed... Then said that's what her dad had. I'm an asshole.

8. I told everyone who worked at Boone Hospital that they had issues with some of their drop ceiling tiles. Keep in mind that's all I stared at for like 8 hours. Looked like there might be some stains from leaking at some point and they should have them replaced and watch for leaky pipes. I guess you can take the hotel regional manager out of the hotel, but...

That's all that's coming to me right now.. I'm sure there will be more :)

Bed pans.... not for women.

July 29, 2014  

Well that freakin' sucked. So much for quick little procedure. At least I got to whiz in a bed pan twice... And all over myself. Some WOMAN needs to invent one for a hoo-hoo. 

Thank you so much for ALL the prayers. 

I even got my spider back! And they labeled it haha — at Boone Hospital Center.

Thank you so much for all of your thoughts and prayers. God is so great. And so are all of the very skilled and specialized doctors/surgeons who are able to jump right in and perform urgent type procedures at any moment.

My new vow: I will never complain about a doctor running way behind or canceling appointments for cases that need immediate attention, or really, for any reason. I have a few doctors that care for my family that spend so much time with us and I am so grateful.

Also, if I'm ever President, I will make it mandatory that nurses earn WAY more money and respect than they do.

I whizzed in a bed "pan". Really? No... Let's just say the "pan" was physically there.... But after I did my "bidness", those wonderful angels did that "let's just roll you over to one side, stiff as a board to my other nurse friend who needs a raise, and I'll stuff a nice clean, dry sheet under you and you can roll back over again..." And be dry.

So in other news, I know waaaayyyy more than I need to know about jugular veins, groin veins, pulling lines thru my heart, aortas, deep breathing, bubbles.... Can we just get back to the 8-ball nipples again?? Good grief.